Review: Goat Simulator

Goat Simulator (PC)
Developed and Published by Coffee Stain Studios
Release Dates: April 1st 2014 (Worldwide)

CPU: 2.00GHz Quadcore Processor
Memory: 2 GB RAM
HDD: 2 GB available space
Video: DirectX 9.0c-compatible, SM 3.0-compatible, 512MB VRAM+
Input: Keyboard and Mouse / Controller

In Goat Simulator you are a goat.

I don’t know what else you want from me.

Alright, so I suppose there’s a possibility you’ve not actually heard about or seen this game just yet, so allow me to explain exactly why being a goat in Goat Simulator is so special. It all comes down to the enjoyment of total chaos and disorder in the most beautiful of ways.

1Goat Simulator is an open-world sandbox experience in which everything you do nails you Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater-style combos and points. Knock a box down with your horns, lick another goat in the face, blow up a car and murder people by knocking them off of construction sites. No matter what you do, you’ll be nailing some sweet points in some way. That is basically the core of the game, think of it as an open world skateboard game where the skateboard is a goat and the sport is unleashing havoc on the world.

The game also sets you up with a handful of quests to do in the world that ranges from normal things like beating certain scores and reaching certain heights to insane things like performing rituals with human sacrifices. This along with a good number of hidden collectables that unlock various things makes a good case for replayability, which is quite amazing seeing as the game is already hard to put down without these things.

Like I mentioned before, the goat’s moves include licking things and knocking things with its horns. These are the first two things you can do in the game to ruin everyone’s lives. But as you roam through the city where the goat lives, you’ll soon find yourself bestowing new powers by finding hidden power-ups. The most commonly found and well-known one being the jetpack, which is basically impossible to control no matter how much you put into it. All of these special powers are activated by pressing the R key on the keyboard, which becomes a problem blessing when you have multiple powers activated at once.

There’s no secret that the point of the game is to basically break it all apart. You even get an achievement for successfully crashing the game. This is not a game where glitches and bugs are something you’ll ask to have fixed, quite the opposite. This is a love-letter to the most absurd of glitches and it’s glorious in its execution. At one point I had my goat mess up to the point where it was flying by trying to catch its own tongue. It began stretching out and it became the scariest thing I saw that day (video above). It kept at this for over an hour, I could not avert my eyes. In any other game it would be inexcusable, but in Goat Simulator it’s exactly what you’re paying for. It’s beautiful in a way.

Speaking of beautiful, the game is actually quite pretty if you up the settings some. Especially given the $9,99 price-tag. Not having the best computer I ran it at lower settings, but it’s a game that’s far easier to look at than it is to play. The soundtrack is masterful as well as it keeps playing this Sim City-esque calming tune while you’re murdering people and trashing the entire world. It makes for a really special feeling.

The game isn’t just funny by being broken though, there’s also some genuine comedy in its writing. The quests and various moves you can do are filled with fun jokes and puns that anyone should be able to appreciate. You also have a good number of jokes inside the world that you can find if you look for them, be them references to other games or silly signs that protesters are flaunting. Goat Simulator is here to make you laugh, and it’s not planning on backing down on that for a single second.

6How do you review or score a game like Goat Simulator? That’s the question that’s been gnawing at my brain all night. By all means its broken and a total mess, but it’s also so much fun. The fact that I’m almost done with all the quests and have no intention on not playing more after that is a good indication of how much I’m enjoying it.

So I’ll simply review and score it based on that. My enjoyment. Nothing else really matters.

I really enjoyed Goat Simulator.

Final Score: 8/10

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